What a Champ!

Emma B., sitting pretty in shades of blue

OK, so I know I took, like, an unannounced two-month blogging hiatus without saying anything, and there's probably no one out there reading me anymore *chirp, chirp* -- but I have to admit that this blogging gig has never been a very consistent thing for me (um, as if I have to point that out...). And most of the time I can only really post something when I feel GOOD about it and what I have to say and can't wait to get it out there in the blogosphere -- either that or when I really need to rant, which of course has happened on occasion, from time to time... Ha!

But the truth of the matter is, it's not easy for me to talk about my fears, anxieties and concerns when it comes to Emma and doing my best in raising her. I know I have so much to learn, and I do hope most of it will come naturally and with some help and advice from those around me, but I have to admit that I SO wish I could avoid transmitting my neuroses and worries to her, even though in the end I know it's ultimately inevitable... They're just a part of my nature and one of the hardest things to change about me. And virtually impossible to disguise or smother, for that matter.

Emma has been a doll, truly an angel, and I know THAT will probably change a million times over as well, but sometimes I can't get over how wonderful she is... Smiling all the time like crazy, especially in the morning after just waking up, when she's just Baby Sunshine. In the first two months I really did worry about everything and anything, and I imagine that will more than likely continue for a while as well, but these days I'm settling into the whole momma gig a bit better and starting to gain a little more confidence in myself and my capabilities. I still need to learn to be better organized, but, well -- one day at a time! I'm thrilled that I've been able to continue with breastfeeding, especially since that first month was so damn difficult... And I honestly thought so many times that I was going to have to throw in the towel, give up and start doing formula, or at least mixed nursing. But I stuck it out, stuck to my guns if you will, and persisted in my desire to do only exclusive breastfeeding. Bizarrely enough, I never had a major "montée de lait" in the first few days after Emma was born, and that's perhaps where all my anxieties first began (wondering if I had enough milk and all...), because I worried so much about having done something wrong from the get-go, namely letting Emma be taken to the nursery the first couple of nights because I was so wiped out after the delivery. I know SO MANY of the books and experts say not to do it, but I was truly a wreck -- and again, sometime soon I'll try to write more about my delivery experience, so I can explain things in more detail. My experience was far from the most gruesome, truly, but it was far from easy too... In the end, though, my milk did gradually come in, probably much more gradually than for most moms, but the important thing is that I did finally have enough milk!

My little blossomed bean has been growing like a weed in any case, and we'll find out exactly how much she weighs and measures next week at her three-month check-up. Of course TODAY is her official 3-month birthday, so Happy Three Months Emma B.! While my parents were here she was a big show-off, smiling all the time and taking in everything around her. My older brother spoiled her like crazy and kept her constantly entertained with Elmo and Cookie Monster skits and conversations -- my brother is just the best uncle! :-) My parents were of course thrilled to spend so much time with her and only wished they could stay longer... As did I. My dad was particularly good at putting Emma to sleep on his shoulder, as well as making her giggle on her changing table. Speaking of which, how funny is the fact that that's one of her favorite places to be? On the changing table, I mean. Who woulda thunk it?! I know I've got to keep a particularly close eagle eye on her these days, as she starts rolling around even more, but when I lay her down there, she's almost always happy... She loves to be taken care of and to have attention showered upon her (she ain't a Leo for nothin'!), and she fixates on this poster that I have hanging on the wall right above her changing table, a print from a museum in Le Havre. Which always brings back memories of my boyfriend's mother...

Emma's also getting stronger and stronger... Aimée pointed out back in late September, when my parents and I stopped by l'OisiveThé for lunch, that Emma was already starting to hold up her head "like a champ" -- and she's been doing it more and more! She's constantly staring around her and is what the French call "très éveillée", aware of so much and crazy curious about everything. Her latest thing is talking to her buddies in her stroller as we take walks around the neighborhood. The other day I bent down to check on her and found her garbling away to Mr. Turtle -- once again, she made me smile like crazy!

I managed to make a return trip back to l'OisiveThé about two weeks ago, when I finally hauled the MacLaren into the city and realized that, in fact, it's not all that hard to carry around -- once Aimée showed me how to REALLY carry it, that is! And here I thought it was going to be such a hassle... But this is one of the main reasons why the Techno XT is so great, and I'm SO grateful to Aimée and Philippa for telling me about it. And here I thought I was going to have to carry the stroller separately while carrying Emma in the Baby Bjorn! Silly me... So thanks to dear Lauren and Aimée's generous help while balancing the business in the teahouse, I was able to get my hair cut in the adorable salon across the street and have a delicious lunch with the gals. It was a wonderful afternoon, and I'm so glad I braved it into the city that day -- especially since Aimée also showed me a new route for my trips back and forth into her neighborhood. So I hope to make it back again sometime soon! Thank you SO much, Aimée!

Oh, and I can't sign off without mentioning Emma's other latest discovery -- the THUMB! Yes, that's right, it's official: Emma B. has discovered the fascination and soothing powers of her thumb... I didn't know how to feel about it at first, as I've heard such horror stories about children sucking their thumbs into early adolescence, but what can you do, really? She seems so calm and happy when she has it in her mouth, and I can't argue with that, especially when she's having a hard time going to sleep... Then again, the funny thing is when she pops it in her mouth when she seems downright bored, or if she feels like she's not getting enough attention -- that's something that worries me a bit! Of course, she's never really cottoned on to the pacifier, which I was initially relieved about, but which is the worse evil? Thumb or pacifier? Therein lies the question... And I know there are two schools of thought, two opposing camps, and I have no idea where my thoughts really fall.

But one thing is for sure, Emma is on her way to becoming an enchanting baby girl! This coming from an entirely biased Mommy, of course...

This Might Be It...

I've been having contractions for the last 2 hours or so -- they woke me up around 2:00 a.m., and I've been trying to keep track of them since then. Oh MY, I think I'm definitely going to need the epidural...

I know, hard to believe I came on here, but it's mainly because I wanted to send out a quick message to my family in the U.S. before heading off to the clinic. But we're about to leave, so please wish us luck!

(I guess all that walking on the Champs-Elysées today might have done the job, huh, Jenn?! I may very well not need to be induced in the end...)

See you on the other side... So to speak!

Busy, Busy... But Slowing Down

The last couple of weeks have been a bit hectic, although gradually I've been slowing down and my body has been telling me that I just can't do as much as I would like... Whereas two weeks ago I was running around town and my boyfriend kept telling me that I was overdoing it, these days I can hardly get out the door. Or, let's just say that it's been that way since yesterday morning in particular... Thank goodness my boyfriend managed to finally get his hands on the car he's buying used from his sister, so we now officially have wheels and a way to get to the clinic when the time comes; plus, we also made a trip up to Le Havre on Tuesday and finally got our hands on a few things that his sister left for us, including a transat, a carseat for the first few months, and a couffin, which was the key thing we really needed -- especially since we still haven't decided on a crib yet!

I got to visit with some of my dearest friends over the past few weeks as well, although I haven't managed to see as many people as I would have liked -- I still have a list of buddies who I was hoping to see before the baby arrives! Please know that I'm thinking of you all... But it looks like that just isn't going to happen... Especially since things seem to have taken a "turn" of some kind since my doctor's appointment yesterday morning. After she, ahem, examined me in that way that is beyond uncomfortable at the end of the pregnancy (I have no idea how else to describe it!) she actually said, "Ah, ça y est, j'y suis arrivée..." I couldn't figure out what she meant, so I asked her, and she just said that she had managed to touch the baby's head, and that the Little Bean is in the right position at this point, although still a bit high -- not yet down very low... But since then, it feels like the baby may have lowered a bit, because I've been feeling a lot more pressure down there since the appointment -- plus, for hours after that, I felt particularly weak and strange. She told me to continue walking, so I trekked down from the Place de Clichy to Galeries Lafayette to get myself a nice towel to take to the clinic with me. The shops had all just opened, and it's extremely rare that I find myself in the department stores when there are so few people -- very nice for a change! But as I paid for my bathtowel, on sale thank goodness, the saleslady looked at me and asked me if I was OK; granted, I was feeling exhausted all of a sudden, so I accepted her offer to sit down for a rest before leaving... A short time later, I headed out and met my boyfriend for lunch in the 17th, near Pont Cardinet. Then I went back home... and rested pretty much for the rest of the day.

So this morning I believe I may have lost the mucous plug (sorry to be so graphic!). My understanding is that this isn't necessarily a sign of an imminent delivery, per se, because it can happen a couple days before the arrival of the baby, but it's usually a sign that something is going on! And in any case, ever since I woke up this morning, I still don't feel like my regular self. I'm not exactly having contractions, although I think I had a few last night before going to bed, but I still feel really weak and wonky. I want to scrub the kitchen floor, but at the same time all I want to do is lay back down on the bed. My boyfriend said he's going to help me out with things, and he has been particularly sweet for the last few days, but I feel like I'm somehow losing control here... Plus, I had hoped to get out today to buy another breastfeeding bra, as the one I've been wearing just feels too tight and like it doesn't have enough room in it. I guess I'm just going to have to make do with it until after the delivery, though, as I don't think I have the energy to make the trip on my own.

Basically, I do believe that the Little Bean's arrival is imminent... My doctor told me to come in to the clinic for a monitoring on Monday afternoon with my sage-femme, and if the conditions are all in order, they may plan to induce me on Wednesday... That is, if I haven't given birth by then! My OB told me she thought it might happen this weekend or on Monday, so I guess at this point it's all just a big waiting game.

I only have one tiny request: please cross your fingers for me that it doesn't start happening tomorrow night, as my boyfriend is working all night long...! So that basically means that I need for things to happen today, tomorrow morning or on Monday. Anyone want to make any bets?!

(But of course I know one can't determine these things in advance, unless of course I am induced!)

Ah, the waiting game... It's definitely not fun.